Why orgasm is the gateway drug to enlightenment
Photo © Tara Moore/Getty Images
TL;DR: Dear reader, if you wish to skip the upfront bit and go straight to a method of how to prolong ejaculation and have deeper orgasms then scroll down to the end of this blog post. Otherwise, I hope you enjoy the read.
Orgasm, and taste the nectar of your inner divine.
You’re probably asking what does orgasm have to do with spirituality, or enlightenment? Well, as it turns out, quite a lot actually.
There are few things that have captured the 21st century’s imagination when it comes to Tantra more than the humble orgasm. After all, probably most of us alive today would not exist if it wasn’t for an orgasm that prompted our procreation.
Orgasm, according to the Oxford dictionary, is the climax of sexual excitement, characterized by intensely pleasurable feelings centred in the genitals and (in men) experienced as an accompaniment to ejaculation. Example: "she managed to achieve an orgasm".
Oxford, according to the Tantric way, tells us only part of the story. And Oxford’s story is not entirely true. In Tantra, orgasm is not just centred in the genitals, it’s a whole-body experience felt in the heart and mind too. Moreover, it’s an out-of-body experience as well. And (in men) it doesn’t just have to be an accompaniment to ejaculation, as we so often believe it to be. But, I’ll get to these later.
Orgasm is such a polarising subject. It reveals us at our most intimate. It’s a canvas for pure human vulnerability. It also gives us the incomparable feeling of the force of the universe in creation. It has shaped culture and religious attitudes for millennia, and still is one of the most misunderstood phenomena in the universe. It brings a sense of shame to some, and a sense of ecstatic pride to others. And it has enraptured healers and shamans since the dawn of time with its power to awaken our most ancient spiritual connection to Mother Earth, and ultimately our true selves.
Guttural, primal sounds emanate from us when we orgasm. Sounds that have no definition and are in no dictionary, and yet connect us to the natural world in ways beyond comprehension. Orgasm, therefore, is undoubtedly fundamental to our humanity, to the sustainability of our species, to our spirituality, and yet still remains a mystery.
“Spiral Genesis” painting by Mark Henson
Seeing orgasm differently.
In ancient India, Tantriks attempted to unravel the natural and metaphysical forces at play during orgasm. They discovered that it is a deeply spiritual experience and that there are, in essence, four things that happen when you orgasm:
You lose your sense of time
You lose control of your body
Your mind ceases thinking
You are pure truth, consciousness and bliss (Satchitānanda)
And all of this profound release, this letting-go, is experienced in a fleeting moment. Just seconds, mere fragments in time. And then you sadly come back to your body and your mind and your ego is in control once again, and that experience of satchitananda becomes nothing but a memory that fades until your next orgasm.
It’s that feeling of deep relaxation and pure bliss (ānanda) that an orgasm produces that makes us desire it more and more. No drug is needed, no external force is required. This bliss is within us all. And that makes us unique amongst almost all of the animal kingdom to which we belong, as we can have sex for pleasure at any time and not just during biologically-timed mating seasons for the purposes of procreation.
There are however three prevailing myths that we have been conditioned to believe about orgasm:
That orgasm can only occur during a sexual act - like copulation, cunnilingus, masturbation etc.
That orgasm and ejaculation are the same thing.
That orgasm is shameful, sinful or dangerous. Or alternatively, that orgasm is merely just a biological act.
Tantra says that these myths are rather absurd.
Let’s unpack these a bit further:
Orgasm and sex are not always related.
Tantra has revealed that orgasm is not always purely a result of a sexual act. In fact orgasm can be brought upon by many non-sexual acts or practices.
In one such example, the science of yoga reveals how the energy we know as orgasm resides coiled like a serpent in our root chakra at the base of our spines. In Tantra this orgasmic energy is called Kundalini Shakti, which is an aspect of the divine feminine energy. Kundalini, in essence, is the same energy that created the universe. When Kundalini is stimulated it can awaken with such indescribable force that it moves up your spine, through your chakras and into your skull and provides you with pure bliss, and you get to taste the nectar of enlightenment, albeit for a brief moment in time.
Sure, sex can bring upon an orgasm, and this feeling of enlightened bliss. However there are many non-sexual Tantric-based practices, like Kundalini Yoga and Kriya Yoga, which with patience and practice can safely awaken your Kundalini, and keep it awakened for long periods of time.
In this awakening you can experience an orgasmic state of being. These pure states of being are called Samadhi. Patañjali, around 2,500 year ago, describes in detail these states (8-limbs) of Samadhi in his revered Yoga Sutras. The word Samadhi refers to concentration, or meditation, with absorption. In order to achieve the ability to be in the state of Samadhi, the meditator or practitioner keeps training the mind to come back to the experience of the breath, or to absorb the sensation in the body, once it is noticed that the mind has left the present moment in search of other thoughts.
The 8-limbs or branches of Yoga Samadhi according to Patañjali
This ability to stay in the present moment, without attributing any meaning to it, can lead to an orgasm being so much more than a mere event, it becomes a state of being.
A Kundalini awakening is not so much a physical force, but the orgasmic-like movement of the energy of the subtle body - which is at the sub-atomic level of the skin, flesh, bones, physical organs, nerves and blood vessels. Therefore you cannot undergo a smooth awakening without taking the necessary steps to gradually open and purify the chakra channels of the subtle body. However, the awakening can be completely spontaneous (without involving yogic preparations) and if you are not rightly prepared a Kundalini awakening might lead you from bliss to a breakdown - as was my initial experience. So, please take caution as you explore awakening the innate serpent energy within you.
Also please note that I am not saying that orgasm and Kundalini awakening are the same thing, but that they can, at times, feel like the same thing.
Another way to experience this spontaneous Kundalini awakening is when it is initiated within you via a spiritually awakened master or Guru. This process is known as Shaktipat, which is the process of transmitting divine spiritual energy from one person to another.
Yogini and author Andrea Jain, in her chapter on the renowned Tantra guru Swami Muktananda from the book Gurus of Modern Yoga, quotes an anonymous source, who describes his moment of Shaktipat, when he was 19 years old, conferred by Muktananda with a wand of peacock feathers in 1975:
“I almost jumped when the peacock feathers, firmly but with a soft weightiness, hit me repeatedly on my head, and then gently brushed my face as [Muktananda] [...] powerfully pressed one of his fingers into my forehead at a spot located just between my eyebrows [...] I'm honestly somewhat reluctant to write about what happened next because I know that whatever I say will inevitably diminish it, will make it sound as if it were just another "powerful experience." This was not an experience. This was THE event of my spiritual life. This was full awakening. This wasn't "knowing" anything, because you only know something that is separate from you. This was being: the Ultimate - a fountain of Light, a dancing, ever-new source. Utter freedom, utter joy [...] Completely fulfilled, completely whole, no limits to my power and love and light."
My Shaktipat story.
The only reason that I know that Kundalini Shaktipat exists, and is not some wooky theory or magic-trick, is that it awakened within me. It was 2009 and I was in India. After wandering around South India in search of an Ashram, I found my way to Amritapuri Ashram in Kerala. Amritapuri is the home of Satguru Sri Mātā Amritānandamayī Devī, known to most of the world as Amma. I had arrived late in the day, and a Swami asked if I would like to meet Amma during her Darshan - which is a meeting with the Guru, and the Guru gets to meet you too. I was tired, and did not know what he meant as I was still a newbie when it came to meditation, yoga or a spiritual practice. But I agreed. That evening I eventually got to meet Amma. It was a brief meeting, she embraced me deeply and whispered something unrecognisable in my ear. It was only a few seconds, but it felt so familiar and also incredible beyond words. In fact I couldn’t speak for hours after that.
Exhausted, as I was, from all the travelling, that night was ironically completely sleepless. I tossed and turned and sweated profusely (Kerala is hot, even during the monsoon season). In the morning I went to attend a yoga class at the Ashram and at one point I lost awareness and just collapsed on my mat. My body was vibrating and shaking uncontrollably and everything seemed brighter. All my senses were supercharged. It was terrifying. That uncontrollable vibrating was so powerful that I thought I was dying. I eventually settled down and after resting on that mat I went back to my room even before the yoga class was over.
Amritapuri Ashram, Kerala, India.
The shakes continued at different times of the day and night (sometimes even during my sleep). At times it was extremely pleasurable and orgasmic, and at other times it was quite painful and depressing - ailing different parts of my body at different times. A few months later I left Amritapuri and the shakes still continued. It was only a year later, during my second visit to Amritapuri, when I noticed another of Amma’s disciples experiencing the shakes during a meditation. I asked him what it was, and he said it was Kundalini working her way through my chakras. When I told him that my shakes started after I met with the Guru he laughed endearingly and said that she gave me Shaktipat. That was when I had first heard of that word.
And from a sexual aspect, making love to a person with an awakened Kundalini, can awaken your dormant Kundalini too. This is a rarer occurrence, but it has been known to happen.
Till this day, Kundalini Shakti still vibrates in me, especially if I am in deep concentration - like focussing my awareness on a Yantra. Today, there are even people around the world who get Kundalini awakenings spontaneously without any form of yoga or Shaktipat from a Guru, without knowing that what they are experiencing is a force of life. Kundalini is, still in most parts, a complete mystery. No wonder why Swami Muktananda called it the secret of life.
A great book to read up further is called Kundalini Rising, which is a compilation of accounts of Kundalini awakenings by different practitioners of yoga and Tantra.
The Tantric attitude to sexual fluids.
What might seem as disgusting to large swaths of our puritanical modern society was held sacred in ancient Tantra. It’s long been known to Tantra that fluids produced in our bodies during arousal, coitus or during menstrual cycles contain a divine power. It is often, in Tantra, broadly referred to as Amrita, or divine/immortal nectar.
It’s important to note that Sanskrit terminology, like the word Amrita, often refers to the essence of something, and not always its exact description. And in some instances it can mean both the essence and the description.
The glorious Tantric guru, Abhinavagupta, in chapter 29 of his magnum opus Tantrāloka states that “sexual fluid… results from consciousness”
“sexual fluid… results from consciousness” ~ Abhinavagupta, Tantrāloka
Then we have the renowned Tantric texts from 11th century India known as the Hatha Yoga Pradīpikā which states: “Amrita, the liquid of immortality is like nectar… It exudes from the Chandra center in the center of the head, deep behind the eyebrows.” “Who swallows this clear liquor dripping from the brain into the heart and obtained by means of meditation, becomes free from disease and tender in the body like the stalk of a lotus, and will live a very long life.” Two of the Tantric yoga techniques, which forms part of a series called “seals” and “locks”, to bring about the release of Amrita are known as the Khecharī Mudrā and Vajrolī Mudrā.
An image of Hatha Yoga from the Joga Pradīpikā (19th century)
In these ancient times, other esoteric Tantric practices even advocated the drinking of menstrual blood. Describing the menstrual blood as a pure and eternal substance, the Kaulajnananirnaya text of Matsyendranath, says: “In Kaula Agama, the five pure and eternal substances are ash, wife’s nectar (ejaculate), semen, menstrual blood and ghee (butter) mixed together. In occasional rites and in the acts of Kama Siddhi (Sexual desire or union), the great discharge is without doubt and most certainly what one should do in Kaula Agama… One should always consume the physical blood and semen. Dearest One, this is the obligation of the Yoginis and the Siddhas.”
While some texts encouraged the consummation of this sexual cocktail, others were encouraged to use the mixture combined with ash as a tilak, or sacred mark, on the forehead.
But these practices should not be undertaken by a novice. They were secret Tantric teachings, called Rahasyas, that were only imparted by a Guru to a student, and only when the Guru decided that the student had spent years in meditation and had become accustomed to mastering the other Tantric arts.
Early Bindu model of Hatha Yoga described in the Hatha Yoga Pradipika. This model contradicts the later Kundalini model in the same text.
Late Kundalini model of Hatha Yoga, as described in the Hatha Yoga Pradipika. This model contradicts the earlier Bindu model in the same text.
Orgasm and ejaculation are not the same thing.
Would you believe me if I told you it is possible to orgasm, in waves of orgasmic peaks and valleys sometimes for hours at a time, without a single ejaculation? I wouldn’t.
But what seems like a fantasy, can be a reality for you.
While ejaculation and orgasm may feel like the same thing, they are actually two separate acts. Yet, at the same time they can be deeply interconnected. Tantra sees them as 3 acts: ejaculation, orgasm, and the interconnected act of the two. And each of these are seen as not just necessary for human evolution, but for some necessary for enlightenment too. But I’ll get into how Tantra approaches these later.
DansPhotoArt on flickr, via Getty Images
First, a lesson in the birds and the bees.
Biologically, men and women are designed to ejaculate. More so in men than in women.
Ejaculation in men is a milky-looking vital fluid that is produced in the body and expelled from the penis normally during the heightened phase of an erection. Male ejaculation takes place in two phases: in the first stage sperm are moved from the testes and the epididymis (where the sperm are stored) to the beginning of the urethra, a hollow tube running through the penis that transports either sperm or urine; in the second stage, ejaculation proper, the semen is moved through the urethra and expelled from the body.
In more than 50% of women ejaculation is possible, or even common. It is excreted via the urethral opening, and comes from the Skene’s glands. These glands are located on the front wall of the vagina, surrounding the urethra. They each contain openings that can release ejaculate. It is a thicker fluid, compared with male ejaculate, that resembles very diluted milk. It can be expelled, like men, mix with fluid from the cervix and secretions from the Bartholin glands — two pea sized glands at the entrance to the vagina — that help keep the vagina lubricated during arousal, or absorbed within the vagina.
While ejaculate from women has no crucial biological purpose, like containing sperm, it still serves a vital function. Not much science exists about all the functions of female ejaculate, however analysis has shown that the fluid contains prostatic acid phosphatase (PSA). PSA is an enzyme present in male semen that helps sperm motility. In addition, female ejaculate usually contains fructose, which is a form of sugar. Fructose is also generally present in male semen where it acts as an energy source for sperm.
But female ejaculate is not essential for the sperm to race up the fallopian tubes to fertilise an egg. So whether a woman ejaculates or not, conception is still possible.
And for the porn-addicts reading this, that gushing colourless liquid you see women squirting in those videos is not the same thing as ejeculate. The fluid that’s released during squirting is essentially watered-down urine, sometimes with a bit of ejaculate in it. It comes from the bladder and exits via the urethra, the same as when you pee. It, like ejaculate, occurs mostly during sexual arousal, and normally precedes an orgasm.
In most cases, ejaculation for both men and women is almost immediately followed by an orgasm. Which is why many (men especially) are led to believe they are one and the same thing.
Crucially, women don’t need to ejaculate in order to orgasm. And so too, it turns out, neither do men.
With that very unsexy biology bit out of the way, let’s move into orgasm.
What we have come to know as orgasm typically follows a type of linear pattern - tension, peak, release and relaxation. Or in clinical terms as studied and researched by the American sex therapy pioneers of the 1950’s and 1960’s William & Johnson, the four stages of the sexual response cycle: excitement, plateau, orgasm, and resolution.
But this type of orgasm, according to Tantra, is just the tip of the iceberg. As I’ve mentioned before, orgasm can occur in a multitude of ways, like via Kundalini yoga, or spontaneously, and of course sexually after arousal.
How we experience orgasms can be radically redefined with practices from the ancients. So pardon the food analogy, but when it comes to sex, for most humans on Mother Earth I like to describe it as most men are like fast-food, and most women are like fine wines.
Orgasm, that rush of energy up your spine and into every cell of your being and beyond, is sensationally quite similar for men and women, but in duration can be quite different.
Arousal for men usually begins in the brain, and then blood rushes down from the brain into the genital region or the root chakra. The glans, or head of the penis, becomes engorged with blood and the thousands of sensitive nerves housed in the glans become engaged. Signals are then quickly sent to the testes and prostate to release the ejaculate containing the seminal fluid. So for most men, the act of sex normally lasts seconds, or a few minutes, and in rarer cases can go on for hours. Arousal for men is normally really easy. As sex is first processed in the brain, it doesn’t take much for men to get aroused. Which is why even a drawing of a naked woman can easily get a man aroused.
Arousal for women also happens in the brain, but less so. Arousal in women is actually predominantly centred in the heart chakra, or the area in the body behind the breasts. Whereas the time from arousal to climax can happen really quickly in a man, for most women the opposite is true. Arousal in this instance is a much slower and more intimate affair. When the heart feels aroused, the genitals become lubricated and engorged in preparation for the sex act.
Which is why most men who have sex regularly will know that it’s rare when both partners can actually orgasm. And in most instances it’s the man who climaxes, and quickly at that too. This is known clinically as premature ejaculation.
Premature ejaculation can be anxiety-inducing for both men and women. Photo © Deon Black/Unsplash
Not to say that there aren’t women who can climax quickly, because there are - in about 3% of women, premature ejaculation, is common. Or men who can take a long time to climax, because here too there are. But you know what I’m talking about, I hope ;-).
So in Tantra, the Goddess, or Shakti, is powerful. Shakti or Śakti literally means power, and in Indian and other Eastern traditions, this power is given a feminine connotation. In this context, Shakti is the creator/creatrix who brings forth the cosmos as aspects of herself. But where Shakti moves, so too is she accompanied by Shiva. If Shiva is the intrinsic reality, then Shakti is the power of action. Shiva is beyond every action, while Shakti is the power of action at all levels. So you could say that everything in and of consciousness is Shiva-Shakti. This is a supreme understanding in Tantra.
While, in Tantric sex, orgasm is not a goal. To get both (or more) partners to intimately feel and dance with each other’s energy bodies is encouraged. The Tantric circle of energy in sexual union, or Maithuna, is a constant loop of breath and vibration that moves down from the woman’s heart chakra out through her root chakra, or vagina (yoni), entering the man’s penis (lingam) and up to his heart chakra and received again in the woman’s heart chakra. This in Tantra is how Shakti makes love to Shiva, and vice-versa. And an orgasmic state of being is thus possible.
The Tantric love chakras. Art by Alex Gray.
And if you’re LGBTQ+ then this state of being is still totally possible, as long as all partners concerned are aware of the movement of the Shiva-Shakti energy moving between the heart chakras and the root chakras. It’s important to understand that while we all identify differently, and experience sex differently, we are all essentially the same Shiva-Shakti nature.
But Rohan, all of this stuff sounds like really hard work. Isn’t there an easy way to slow my ejaculations and experience an orgasmic state of being?
Well you’re in luck. There is. Here’s one of my favourites:
Keep calm and relax your bum.
Keep calm and relax your bum.
No seriously. This works. Allow me to explain. So next time you’re making love to someone else, or making love to many someones, or even making love to yourself, pay attention to your breath and your bum. You’ll notice that during coitus, or any arousing act like masturbation, your breath gets faster and shallower, and just before the point of climax your bum muscles will begin to clench up. This is a natural reaction, it basically aids in prompting the genitals to begin to ejaculate by helping force more blood into the genitals to engorge the penis or clitoris and vulva. It also additionally helps contract and stimulate the prostate gland, which as it happens is the region of the male g-spot. Your bum muscles normally remain clenched even during ejaculation and/or climax. After you climax your bum muscles naturally relax and then your breath becomes slower and deeper too.
So the method is as such: do the opposite. During your state of heightened arousal all your senses will go into superdrive. It all feels so ecstatic and giddy, right? Almost electric. And as a result your mind will go into the anticipation of orgasm mode. Here’s the secret - it’s important that you move your mind from a state of anticipation of orgasm to a state of awareness.
You will need to bring your awareness to your breath, and your bum. Start to breathe deep and breathe slow. This will bring some calm to your body and mind. When you have brought your breath to a slow and deep rhythm, then bring your awareness to your bum, more importantly the muscles in your bum. They will be tightly clenched, and will not want to be unclenched. But unclench you must. After you have relaxed your bum, then remain focussed on your breathing, and then bring your awareness to your heart, and try to merge deeply into yourself or your lover/s. By doing this your sex can take on all the flavours of the universe and more. You can taste divinity. This is the art of Tantric sex.
It won’t be easy at first, but with enough practice you can prolong your time of ejaculation, allowing you to enjoy your sex for longer. Your orgasms will be deeper and longer too. And in some instances you can halt your ejaculation completely, allowing an orgasmic state of being to blossom from within you. And if you think a normal orgasm is amazing, an orgasmic state of being takes it to another realm altogether. It’s the best drug you’ve never had (yet).
For the more advanced practitioner there are a few methods from traditional Tantras that encourage the sublimation of your sexual fluids so that you can enter into an orgasmic state of being, thus taking you into the realms of superconsciousness. Methods like Vajrolī Mudrā as taught in the Hatha Yoga Pradipika. The practice was considered so salacious that when the Hatha Yoga Pradipika was being translated from Sanskrit into English and other European languages in the late 1800’s the translators omitted it completely. The prudery of India’s British overlords seeped into all avenues of Asiatic culture it seems.
And on the opposite end some Tantras encourages the consummation of sexual fluids, like from the Kaula rituals I mentioned earlier from the Kaulajnananirnaya, and various other Tantric texts. Tantra, as you will find if you spend time trying to understand it, is both a contradiction and a conundrum.
I’ll get into some of these methods in later posts, as they do require some deeper spiritual knowledge and regular practice of Tantra sadhana (spiritual ritual and/or practice), Mantra recitation, meditations on Yantra, yoga and breathwork before they should be attempted. And ideally they should only be attempted with the grace and guidance of a Guru’s teaching.
Orgasm is not shameful, sinful or dangerous.
These beliefs have shaped our inner guilt since the dawn of organised religions. And we have inherited these beliefs from our forefathers, and pass it down to every new generation. We secretly desire to be sexual, to be orgasmic, and yet we don’t want others to experience it. Why is this?
Photo © Engin Akyurt/Unsplash
Unfortunately, while I have a hypothesis which could fill a book, I don’t have the answers to this. However, some solace can be found in the Tantras. Tantra embraces with open arms everything we label as good or bad, right or wrong. Because Tantra teaches us that nothing in creation is inherently shameful, dirty, or dangerous. Our conditioned beliefs and egoic patterns label things as such. It is when we drop our labels, our judgements, that we move from suffering to peace and sustainable joy. This is possible with discrimination of our thoughts, focussed awareness and a change of attitude.
Take fire for example. In the hands of an arsonist it can be dangerous, but in the hands of a chef it could be delicious nutrition, or in the hands of an artist it could be a mesmerising sculpture. The nature of fire is simply heat and light, and the nature of orgasm is simply divine bliss. Each has their purpose for mankind. An aspect of the Tantric attitude is one of enjoyment, but enjoyment without excess, and enjoyment with full awareness. Awareness with love and reverence is key. And, crucially, always do what feels good for your heart.
We desire orgasm because it is a direct link to the source of creation, or a way to taste the nectar of divine consciousness. And we desire it because it feels good. Where’s the sin in that?
No sex please, we’re Tantric.
In conclusion, I’d like to remind you that while countless volumes of work in the last century have been written, taught and practiced about Tantric sex, the vast majority of all Tantras have actually very little or absolutely nothing to do with sex. And most people who practice Traditional Tantras (this is a link to a previous blog post I wrote about Traditiona Tantra), like the practice of Sri Vidya, rarely ever delve into physical sexual realms - and if it is a visual represention of sex, as in the painting below, it alludes to the cosmic union of your inner God and Goddess, and not always a physical union between man and woman. To imbue the Tantric attitude is to unconditionally accept everything in creation as divine, and that includes sex. This is Tantra.
The Ṣoḍaśī Tantra from the knowledge of Sri Vidya describes the Goddess Ṣoḍaśī (Tripasundari) as the light in the three-eyes of Shiva, as visualised in an intimate embrace with Mahakala Bhairava (Shiva), while her seat of meditation, or asana, is carried by other deities.
With love, Rohan
ॐ
May our bodies and minds be healthy.
May our thoughts be filled with love.
May our practice be free of obstacles.
May we carry its benefits into the world.
ॐ
